It's comfortable to play the idealist and pretend you don't care what other people think about you. But, that's a game. You can't let yourself believe it. You should care what other people think about you. Perception is reality. Get over it.
Let me put that another way:
Perception is reality. Get over it.
Last week, we finished the section of
MJWTI that dealt with
executing when we discussed
the importance of commitment, and executing on that commitment. This week, we begin adventuring into the world many of us have absolutely no clue about: marketing.
The main thing I want to do here is dispel this myth that marketing is evil, or that it's "just for suits" (quoting Fowler). There's no sense in persisting these illusions that say your super-modesty is an ethical choice in reaction to evil, or that it's not your job.
I cast
dispel magic in your general area. I rolled a 17 on a d20. It's enough to pass the check. Therefore, the illusion from which you now suffer will disappear on your next turn.
I agree that it is possible to go overboard, being a braggart. But let's worry about that when you get close to it - you're most likely on the other end of the scale:
Most programmer types were the last kids picked for every team when they were in school. They probably avoided social situations where possible and failed miserable where not possible. It's no surprise that these people are afraid to stick their necks out by trying to show someone their capabilities.
The fact of the matter is that there's no reliable way to objectively measure knowledge-workers. What are they going to do?
Count the lines of code you write?
LoC as a measure of productivity is a stupid idea. Even if you were to have objective measures of "goodness" and "badness" as it relates to developers, perception would still matter: Someone has to decide if he likes you enough to promote you, or to keep you on the team in times of cutting back, or hire you in the first place.
If people are going to rely on their perceptions to form judgments of you,
you might as well be the one to decide what they experience to form that perception.
One way to do that is to
Speak Up! In doing so, Chad suggests making a list of groups you interact with and their associated perception drivers. His example looks like this:
| Group |
Perception Drivers |
| Teammates: |
Technical skills, social skills, teamwork |
| Manager: |
Leadership ability, customer focus, communication skills, follow through, teamwork |
| Customers: |
Customer focus, communication skills, follow through |
| Project Manager: |
Communication skills, follow through, productivity, technical skills |
He also suggests making your own list, and trying to change your behavior to emphasize those points which resonate well depending on which group you're around. Critique yourself as you go along. By simply making conversation along the lines defined by perception drivers in each group, you don't need to brag to be seen in a positive light.
It sounds quite technical, but I think it's probably a bit more natural than it seems by writing it down and reading it.
I know I need to give it a try. Yesterday, one of my classmates made a "he talks too much" motion with the duck-quacking of his hands when he thought I wasn't looking. I know it was probably something to do with the way he was feeling, but I could obviously be better perceived at least by that member of my peer group.
What do you think? Baloney? Hogwash? Or might there be something to this perception thing? My vote's with the last one. Don't agree? Change my mind in the comments.
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Any option is possible without being there/knowing the indvidual.
Could very easily be that person was ready to go somewhere or had something else going on you may or may not have been aware of.
On another note, I enjoy reading your blogs and find great info and tips and can tell much thought goes into them. Keep up the good work and please contiune to blab away here!
Posted by Tony Fondo
on Apr 25, 2008 at 07:29 AM UTC - 5 hrs
@Tony - Yeah, I don't think he meant too much by it, but it was a recent story that I could share about wanting to control perception. =) I like the guy, and have a good impression of him, so I don't think its something personal.
Thanks for the kind comments about the blog as well - things like that help keep me motivated.
Posted by
Sammy Larbi
on Apr 25, 2008 at 09:08 AM UTC - 5 hrs
Hey Sam - not sure where I fall on this. First of all, I really am one that doesn't care what people think of me (as opposed to being someone who just says that and buries their feelings inward and then cries at night). Maybe I just separate the personal from the professional. Maybe I just wish people would do their jobs!
Still I agree - Perception IS reality. Or, it can become reality very quickly, at least.
I've had to battle perception problems in the past (ironically, at times when I USED to care what people thought of me!), some I've won, some I've lost.
A classic example was my move to being a "Senior" developer (some years ago, now). The company I was in was full of a lot of senior people (as in, lots of years working at that company), and I was there about 3 years at that stage. I had many successes, though, in my work, from the business groups I worked with. So, I think more than anything, it was the concept of people "seeing" me as a senior developer that was the biggest hurdle.
I wasn't without my faults, of course - general life experience as well as an Irish temper!
I think in general, IT professionals don't do enough to trumpet their achievements, and a part of that is communicating effectively what it is they plan to achieve. (key word in that is "effective"!)
Lots can be said on this subject - its an intangible that can matter more to certain people, or not at all to others. Intangibles are difficult to measure, though.
Cheers,
Davo
Posted by David
on Apr 25, 2008 at 02:22 PM UTC - 5 hrs
@Davo - It sounds like we're mostly in agreement. I'd like to know more about the "not caring" part though, just out of curiosity.
I have a duty to myself, my integrity, my family, my craft, and other things that far outweighs any guile I might attempt to perform against someone in order to look good. In other words, honesty and integrity are more important to me than "looking good." In that sense (of moral obligation), I don't care about what others think about me - I'd rather be able to live with myself. =)
But that doesn't mean in general I don't care. If I had a moment where I felt weak enough to do something embarrassing, it may very well be my sense of caring what others think about me that keeps me strong. On the other hand, if I had the opportunity to present myself in a good light to someone important to me, I probably will also take it. Not to deceive them, but simply to manipulate the image I portray in a manner most likely to be received well by the person I'm trying to impress.
I'd like to know more about what level of not caring you're at, if you'd be willing to share it (here or privately). Of course, I don't blame you if you'd rather not get into it. It's something that can be deeply private.
Thanks for sharing what you have!
Posted by
Sammy Larbi
on Apr 28, 2008 at 06:50 PM UTC - 5 hrs
Sam,
You concentrate on the "dont care" part of my statement, if I could, I'd put an emphasis on the word "think". Of course I care - I have a family, and want to be successful.
If people gathered round and said "what do you think of David?" it would be nice if they said "I like him". I'd much rather be respected, though.
Its not like I "dont care" in general - I am active in my community (doing things most people don't or won't). I consider myself a moral person (morals are personal, though, so I don't usually try justify that). so, whats there to care about?
Personally, I think this state of mind has a great leveling effect. I can be (and will be) judged on my actions, my professionalism and my abilities. I'm not going to taking any guilt trips any time soon, but I won't blow smoke up your ass with a PR job that makes me look much better than I am.
Some people don't like that of course. The only power they feel they have over you is your caring what they think of you as a person, or being in their "click". They don't like being powerless :-)
Of course, there are are people who I care what they think of me - my family. But I see that as a good thing!
Hope I helped clarify.
Cheers,
Davo
Posted by David
on Apr 29, 2008 at 01:13 PM UTC - 5 hrs
Thanks Dave. You're right - I was looking at it from the wrong angle. Thanks for clarifying!
Posted by
Sammy Larbi
on May 01, 2008 at 04:13 PM UTC - 5 hrs
